My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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