Whatcha textin bout Willis?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
