why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize