it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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