Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
