Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
