I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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