How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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