I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
