I accidentally had phone sex last night
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
