How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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