Already got asked if we're dating
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
