I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
