ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Houston, we have a blender
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
