and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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