chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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