All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
