yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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