There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
