My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
