Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
