Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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