Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
