She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
