he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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