so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I want a musical about memes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
