My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
