Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
