you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We're too hungover to prance.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
