all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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