i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
