dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
