go do what you do best...puke behind churches
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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