I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She bit a glass in half.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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