have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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