so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
