An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
