Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
