apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
