So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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