i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize