Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
