last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
