my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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