I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize