I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
