ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
