No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
