Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
