I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize