I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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