sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
