Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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