I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
