I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
