From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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