I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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