I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
