I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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