Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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