Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
