If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
