at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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