my phone needs a breathalizer
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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