I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
