Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
