She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
