I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
