He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
