Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
