Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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