Just mADE A PArabola og urine
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
