Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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