Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
