Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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