I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
