I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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